


childhood heroes

by Cashay



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Compliant, Gen, Phil Needs a Hug, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2014-09-20
Packaged: 2018-02-18 04:01:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2334527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cashay/pseuds/Cashay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil wishes he didn't have to tell Steve that they can't help him look for Bucky any longer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	childhood heroes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tigriswolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigriswolf/gifts).



> written for this prompt:  
>  _"this is very important; I need you to understand. There are no words, in any language, that explain how much more Bucky Barnes means to me than you or your organization or your ideals ever will."_ for tigriswolf over at [comment_fic](http://comment-fic.livejournal.com/) on LJ.

Phil may be a tested field agent but somewhere in him there was still that little 12 year old that was incredibly unhappy with Captain America pacing angrily in his office. But he wasn't a little boy anymore, he was the director of a very fractured S.H.I.E.L.D.. He had other things he needed to worry about than Captain America's approval.

“I understand that your search for the Winter Soldier...”

Phil didn't even get a chance to finish his sentence before Steve interrupted him. “Bucky. I'm looking for Bucky.”

Phil continued as if nothing had happened, even though it made him somewhat uneasy to blatantly disrespect Captain America like that. “...is keeping your occupied but we really can't spare any resources. Quite the opposite: we could really use your help right now Captain Rogers.”

When they had first met again after the whole Hydra fiasco the Captain had said to call him Steve. But despite Phil's excitement – and boy 12 year old Phil would probably have passed out from it – he had never found it appropriate to refer to him by his first name.

“I told you, finding _Bucky_ is my priority right now.” the Captain had his teeth clenched and Phil couldn't help but notice how his hands were curling and uncurling as if he was barely holding back a punch.

It was quite obvious that the good Captain was on edge. From what little intel – and wasn't that a new one – he had been able to gather on what Captain Rogers was doing he had been somewhat unstable ever since the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D., though probably for different reasons than the rest of them.

Phil wished he could have send Agent Romanoff with the Captain because loosing one of their most valuable and publicity friendly assets was a whole new disaster he didn't feel up to facing. But the Widow was needed elsewhere, S.H.I.E.L.D. was stretched too thin for babysitting duties. Not even when it came to heroes who had returned from the dead.

“We have been unable to locate the Winter Soldier up to this point. He has a history of only being found if he wants to be found. I'm sorry to say this Captain Rogers but your hunt for him is very likely pointless until such a time as he reveals himself. I have to reassign the agents that were working on locating the Winter Soldier. There are more important tasks that we need to focus on right now and you should do the same,” Phil said, noticing the way Steve's expression turned murderous when he used the words _Winter Soldier_. “Our resources are stretched to their limits and we need your help Captain. The world has become a very dark place all of a sudden, a lot darker than it used to be and it relies on people like you and me to keep it safe.”

Steve who had paced away from Phil's desk during Phil's little speech suddenly turned around and moved until he came to a standstill right in front of him. He was towering over Phil who suddenly felt very small sitting in his – frankly uncomfortable - S.H.I.E.L.D. issue chair. Steve's hands came down hard enough on the desk that Phil was surprised it didn't break in the middle.

Captain America looked down on Phil with disdain and while loosing the respect of his personal hero was rationally not the worst thing that would happen to him as director it hurt in a way that nothing else would.

“I had a lot of respect for you Phil Coulson and this, this is very important; I need you to understand. There are no words, in any language, that explain how much more Bucky Barnes means to me than you or your organization or your ideals ever will,” Steve hissed.

Without another word he turned around and stormed towards the door of the improvised office.

“Captain Rogers. … Steve.”

At the use of his first name Steve stopped though he did not turn around. And while it might sting Phil figured he deserved it.

“For what it's worse. I hope you find Bucky Barnes. And I hope he is still the person you remember.” Phil took a deep breath before continuing. “If you find him S.H.I.E.L.D.'s door is always open. But in the meantime: as director of S.H.I.E.L.D. my hands are tied. We will not offer any more assistance. I am truly sorry Captain.”

Phil watched the Captain leave his office without acknowledging what he had said. Taking a deep breath he leaned back in his chair, suddenly feeling very tired. Though at least now he didn't have a doubt left as to why Nick Fury was bald.

Phil took another deep breath. When he had joined S.H.I.E.L.D. one of the reasons had been the ties it had to Captain Rogers. He had wanted to do the right thing like the Captain had always done and to stand for the ideals he had always defended. Now, just a few weeks into trying to rebuild S.H.I.E.L.D. into what it should be he already had to turn away the man that had always been his moral compass.

Every man, even Steve Rogers, was fallible but it didn't feel like he was the one in the wrong right now.

Looking at the paperwork in front of him Phil Coulson couldn't help but wonder if he had already started to lead S.H.I.E.L.D. right back into the direction it had just come from.


End file.
